solitude.

being alone isn't as bad as it sounds.

there are those who truly understand the meaning and the serenity that comes with self-contructed loneliness.
and there are others who feign the knowledge of this dignified emotion with a fleeting statement like "nobody likes to be alone".

i like it.
to be by myself, not lost, but just.. alone.

lost in a world that only i myself can understand.
creating images that i'd never be able to see around me; seeing them come alive.

call me a lunatic; a freak who seeks to distant herself from her memories, the people around her.
call me stupid, for what are others made for, if man could live, to survive on his own?

but being alone has strangely, no, it has gradually become a significant part of me.
a part that if intruded, would produce waves of anger and frustration.
it's not just some "teen-thing"where one desires privacy and concealment.
it the aftertaste of savouring that moment of comforting quietness, the feeling of being right by myself; understanding the parts of me people think they can grasp and cruely scrutinize.

loneliness helps me to find out more about myself.
and to uncover the yearn to somehow push everyone away.
to be locked in a daze, an everlasting trance that shields me from every hypocrite who walk on this planet.

that's my definition of happiness, that's what i've always wanted.
i remember.. i remember those tears that flowed endlessly in the face of loneliness and pain.
how foolish i was to think that it was but torture.

it was the creation of happiness. it was the making of the true me.

and i want it back.
i want that sense of solace back.
the peace that encapsulates and surrounds.

i'll laugh in the face of what the world deems as "gloomy"loneliness.
i falter at the feet of the people.
i tremble when others invade into this fragile barrier that i have so painstakingly cultivated.

the palpitating heartbeat; cold sweat trickling down my neck.
that dark sensation washes over me ever to often these days.

it spells fear.

fear-- that my wall of refuge will crumble.
that people will rip me off the only prize possession that i treasure.
my solitude.

don't take this away from me too.

kye.
3:47 AM